Interview with Die You Zombie Bastards! writer Haig Demarjian!

By David L. Tamarin

Editor's note: This interview was conducted before DYZB! was picked up for distribution.

Earlier this year I traveled to Providence, Rhode Island to catch the North American premiere of a film called Die You Zombie Bastards! It's a great movie, funny, full of gore and all types of outrageous behavior and imagery. I noticed that I was sitting next to some of the female cast members. I didn't realize this at first, I didn't recognize them with clothes on. That's right, there is a whole fuck-load of hot naked chicks along with the zombies and the serial killer And I got to sit next to the hot chicks! They were wearing clothes unfortunately but with my smooth ways I could have changed that in a few minutes. Wait, they call that assault and I'm not supposed to do it anymore.

A couple of months later I contacted Zombastic Productions, the producers of Die You Zombie Bastards! and spoke with both the director Caleb Emerson and producer Haig Demarjian. Below is my conversation with Haig about DYZB!, independent film making, having your penis smashed with hammers, and other timely subjects. Just to make things perfectly clear, I did not tell Haig that he had to hook me up with the naked chicks before I would interview him, that was just a coincidence- but hey, as we see in the interview, its hard to promote an independent film. Without further adieu, the interview:

DT: What is Zombastic Productions, and what is your role in Zombastic Productions?

HD: Zombastic Productions is like a hypodermic in your eyeball, dedicated to producing fiercely independent cinema for the new millennium It was established in 2001 as a partnership between me and my brother-in-law Caleb Emerson. Its sole purpose, really, was to make us look legit as we embarked on making DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS!, our first feature film. All odds were against us, but lookit this: only four short years later we actually have a finished film and TONS of debt to show for it. And to think they said we'd never make anything of ourselves!

DT: What is Zombastic Productions working on right now? Any chance for a sequel to Die You Zombie Bastards?

HD: Right now, David, we're working harder than EVER on trying to get distribution for DYZB! so we can get out of debt and maybe someday make another brain-crunching, world-changing, turd-gurgling masterpiece.

As for a sequel- if you see DYZB! you'll get the hint that there IS a sequel planned. But it's WAY on the back burner until we can recover from this one and make a sequel financially viable. Caleb doesn't even want to think about it. Neither do I really, until we can get out from under this first one and be acclaimed as geniuses or maestros or some happy horseshit like that.

DT: How does an independent film maker get funding for a project without having to give up part of his vision?

HD: Not easy. We scraped it together piecemeal, finding money, spending it, going broke. Then finding more money, making more movie, going broke again. That's why the whole process took over five years. I wouldn't recommend this "strategy" to anyone. But miraculously, it worked for us.

:DT: What is wrong with Hollywood films today?

HD:Same old story: so much wasted potential. Not enough new ideas. Not that old ideas aren't good- I mean, DYZB! is just a Cuisinart of all the stuff that entertains the hell out of us, the stuff that we love. Right now, Hollywood is all about making movies out of video games and crummy old cartoons- you might find them somewhat entertaining and certainly nostalgic, but is it enough to carry a 2 hour theatrical experience? New ideas and real passion is lacking. The Dukes of Hazzard was lame enough as a TV show, but come on!

DT: Has the ratings system hurt the making of Die You Zombie Bastards! ?

HD: Ratings system? Puny humans! Nothing can hurt DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS!

:DT: What was the North American premiere of DYZB like?

HD: Phenomenal. It was at the Columbus Theatre in Providence, Rhode Island during a treacherous ice storm, but we still managed to pack the place for two shows. Audiences go NUTS for this movie. People laughed through the entire thing. Great response. We were thrilled. [Interviewer Note: this is true, the audience had a fun time and people were laughing throughout the movie. There was an Amsterdam coffee shop smell, this too may have had some impact on the red-eyed audience].

DT: What were the major difficulties in producing and then promoting an independent film? Is the system biased against films made outside of Hollywood?

HD: Is the system biased? Of course it is. It's like I'm saying "why don't you hang MY kid's finger-painting on your refrigerator door?" Then Hollywood's all like, "I got my OWN kid's finger-painting to go on my fridge, so why do I want yours? Hey, and how'd you get in my kitchen anyway?!" Really, it's not surprising at all.

And DYZB! is not for everybody. If magazines like Revenant are paying attention, then hopefully we're reaching our audience. We'll always try to expand the audience, but- I can only expect that we'll be totally ignored by "Hollywood". But we could always be pleasantly surprised. Anything is possible. Stranger things have happened.

DT: How do you promote an independent film like DYZB?

HD: I wish I knew. We're just trying whatever we can. With, of course, no money. Wish us luck.

DT: DYZB mixes horror, humor and sex. How are horror and sex related?

HD: An excellent question, which begs another: how are horror and sex NOT related?

DT: If a group of women smashed your penis with a hammer while laughing hysterically, as occurs in DYZB!, what would you do?

HD: Bleed. And cry. Don't try this stuff at home, kids.

:DT: Thank you Haig.

Interviewer's Note: For liability purposed the interviewer must warn you not to have a bunch of laughing women smash your penis with hammers. If you do so you are taking the risk of being injured. The Interviewer does not condone smashing penises with hammers, except in emergencies and when it's funny.

END

David L Tamarin